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How To Tell Your Partner You Want a Baby

You know that your partner wants kids in the future, but when? You’ve always known that you’ve wanted a family, but nowadays you have baby fever and getting pregnant is all you can think about. But is he ready? How do you bring it up?

Some women (and men) get anxious when they even think about discussing baby making with their partner. They’re afraid they might pressure their partner or surprise them with a desire that seemingly came out of nowhere. You might be nervous that the conversation will be awkward or that your partner won’t be ready yet.

However, it’s time to put your worries aside and tell your partner how you feel. Here are a couple tips that will help you have that conversation.

Be Straightforward

Sometimes it’s just better and easier to be straightforward. When you have kids, you will need to have many hard conversations, so this can be practice!

You can start off by simply asking, “Can I talk to you about something?” He will know to put down his phone or laptop because something serious is coming. He will give you full attention and hear you out.

Then, say exactly how you feel. This could sound something like:

• “I want to make a baby.”
• “I really want to have a baby with you soon.”
• “I’m ready to make a family.”
• “I’ve been thinking a lot lately about babies and I just want to know where you’re at.”

Let him know how much it means to you and why you want a baby.

If you’re nervous, it might ease your anxiety to tell him. You can say:
“Okay, I’m really nervous to talk about this, but…”
“I feel weird mentioning this, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.”
“I know this is coming out of nowhere, but I need to get this out of my head.”

Ongoing Discussion

The easiest way to bring up the topic of starting a family is to have an ongoing discussion. For example, waking up one day and saying “I want a baby NOW!” might startle him and seemingly come out of nowhere.

If having a baby has been on your mind but you know it’s a year or more down the line, start an open dialogue about it now. Easing into the topic over time will give your partner time to think without any pressure. You can start the ongoing conversation by making light-hearted comments about having children together.

Alternatively, you can simply say, “I know it’s down the line, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about babies. I’m really excited to reach the time when we’re ready.”

Transition to the Topic

The great thing about this method is that even though you basically planned the whole conversation, it will appear as if the topic arose naturally. This is a great way to bring up the topic if you’re shy or nervous about his reaction.

This will be an easy method if a friend or family member has recently become pregnant or has given birth. Bring up the topic by mentioning news about the person and start a conversation about it. Slowly, steer the conversation towards your partner’s feelings about pregnancy. Start asking him questions about how he feels in general about the thought of having kids. As the conversation moves forward, share your desire to start trying.

The conversation might go something like this:

You: Wow, look at this picture on Facebook. Janet’s bump is getting really big; she must be due soon.

*Partner looks at picture*

You: It must be so exciting for her. Have you had any thoughts about having kids?

*Partner responds*

You: I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I’ve been following Janet’s pregnancy pics on Facebook and I can’t wait to go through that myself, you know? I think we might be ready to start trying.

Based on his responses, you can further discuss both of your feelings towards pregnancy. It’s important to share how you feel, even if your partner reveals that he isn’t ready yet. You should respect his feelings towards the topic, but also let him know your desires.

Make Subtle Comments

If you’re in no hurry to have a baby, very slowly easing into the idea could be best. When you see something baby or mom-related, don’t hesitate to make a comment. You’re probably thinking these thoughts in your head anyways, so saying them out loud should come naturally.

For example, if you’re walking down the street and see a baby in a stroller with a funky design, say, “When we have a baby, I want a stroller like that one.” If you’re watching a news segment on TV about a really smart 12-year-old, say, “You’re so smart that when we have a baby, I think it will be a super genius like her.”

Bringing up the subject in this way is great for many reasons. It’s a no-pressure way to get your point across. If the situation allows, you can even joke about it. It can be a good way to gauge how your partner feels about the topic without asking him directly.

You can also comment on the subject by bringing up the good ol’ baby names discussion. For example, if you’re watching TV and a character has a cool name, you could say, “I really like that name. If we have a daughter, that might be a good name for her. What do you think?”

When to Have the Baby Conversation

When you decide to bring up the topic with your partner, make sure it’s the right time. Discuss your desires when you both have time to talk and are in a good mood. Don’t bring it up when your partner is going to work or has just gotten home from work. If you know he’s has a bad week, try holding off. The worst time to mention it would be during a fight when you’re getting everything out.

It may be best to bring it up after you’ve had a nice date and feel connected, or on the weekend when you both have free time. If you’re nervous about having the conversation or feel that it might be awkward, try talking to him while you’re on a walk or hike. Doing some sort of physical activity while you talk can be a good way to ease your anxiety.

What If He Isn’t Ready?

If he isn’t ready, respect his feelings and don’t push him. Put yourself in his shoes: imagine if he pushed you when you weren’t ready to have a baby.

You should never have to pressure someone into a big decision such as starting a family. Even though you may be anxious, it’s important that he wants it too.

Instead, ask him what worries he has about having children. Starting a family is a big decision that can come with many concerns: finances, lifestyle changes and simply a fear of being in charge of another human being. Acknowledge his concerns and if you can, try to calm them in an understanding tone.

If you want to nail down a timeline, ask him what would make him feel ready or what his life would look like when he’s ready. Maybe he wants to go back to school, buy a house or reach a financial goal.

If his timeline is too vague and your biological clock is counting down, you can gently remind him by saying something like, “Okay, I respect that. It’s just that I’m in my 30’s and I want to make sure we can have a baby while the chances are high. Can you think about this and we can revisit this discussion a few months from now?”

Alternatively, maybe he says he wants children now but is still nervous about the idea. If this is the case, you can make suggestions that will take the pressure off. For example, you could say, “We don’t have to try to conceive and plan for it. What if I just get off birth control and let it happen or not naturally. If it’s meant to happen, it will happen.”

How to Cool Down Baby Fever

If your partner isn’t ready to have a baby just yet, you might have a hard time dealing with your intense desire to get pregnant. Instead of pressuring your partner, use this time to further intensify your relationship or marriage. After you do have a baby, you won’t have much time to yourself, so cherish this time now.

You can also offer to babysit for a friend or family member. Not only will this help fulfill your desire for kids, but being around kids will also give your partner the confidence he needs to be ready.

Have you had the baby talk with your partner? If you have, comment below and tell us how it went. If you have any additional tips, be sure to share those, too! If you know a friend who is also struggling to talk to their partner, share this post with them.